Botched

Ritchie (Stephen Dorff of Feardotcom, and Alone in the Dark shame) stars in this dreary unfunny ;horror-comedy as Richie, a professional thief who can't seem to catch a break and is trapped on the 13th floor during a botched heist of a jeweled cross in Russia. He and his thieving co-horts must survive the serial killer that lies in waiting as the spit hits the fan all around them. Horror-comedies are notoriously hard to pull off, if one errs to either side the whole film falls like a deck of cards. Sadly this is the case here as the humor falls flat on it's face and there isn't really any horror to speak of. You could almost see where the makers of the movie wanted to do, but in execution they really botched it. My Grade: D+

Botched starts as Ritchie (Stephen Dorf) is involved in a car accident after just having robbed an auction house of valuable diamonds, not wanting to be arrested Ritchie flees the accident sans the diamonds. Mr. Groznyl (Sean Pertwee) who Ritchie works for is not happy that he lost the diamonds but decides to give Ritchie one more chance, he orders Ritchie to go to Moscow & steal an ancient gold Crucifix. However things again go wrong & Ritchie finds himself trapped on a skyscraper floor with two of Groznyl's men & a bunch of hostages as he tries to figure out what to do in order to get out of the building alive & without being arrested but there is someone else there too, a psycho killer who starts to kill everyone off... This German, Irish, British & American co-production was directed by Kit Ryan & seems to be one of those films that divides opinion, some seem to love it's bizarre sense of humour & madcap plot while other's like me think it's a complete mess that fails at everything it sets out to do. I heard lots of views that that say there's lots of twists but I thought the story was predictable & the ending in particular was an unclear mess that was too eager to get the two main male & female leads together. I heard many people say that Botched is funny & again I just can't see it, the humour is so obvious & poorly staged that there's more laughs during the average funeral. The whole film is terrible, the plot is just rubbish, the gore is minimal & the so-called comedy is just awful. I don't think I laughed once. The character's are silly one dimensional idiots, there are plot holes galore & there's even a terrible ending, the story, the character's & villains are just not engaging enough. The whole thing plays like a cross between a gangster flick like Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998), a bare-bones slasher flick & some madcap Police Academy farce where stupid character's get into stupid situations & the whole thing just escalates, or so the makers would have hoped. Unfortunately the gangster elements are poor & barely figure, the horror elements amount to a few silly death's & the comedy is just so unfunny. So what we have is Botched a horror comedy where both the horror & comedy is of the poorest sort. I saw it on telly for free & I still feel ripped-off. This is quite well made although the constant grey corridors get boring. There's no real excitement & there's definitely no scares, tension or suspense as the silly moronic comedy is so distracting & in your face. The gore isn't even all that, someones head if chopped off, there's spikes through feet, a fridge of guts, dead bodies hanging up, a chopped off hand gag & a decent amount of fake blood but Botched never really goes for it in either the horror or gore department. Apparently shot in Ireland & in Russia the film looks nice enough with good production values. The acting is terrible, the accents are beyond irritating & annoying & look closely at leading Man Stephen Dorf because he looks totally bewildered at what's going on with a sort of stoned look on his face in most scenes. A special mention goes to Jaime Foreman who has to have put in the worst single performance in a film I have seen in a long time. Botched is what it says it is, a totally botched attempt at a modern madcap horror crime gangster comedy that was terrible on all counts. Some people seem to like it & that's fair enough but for me Botched was awful.

Is this a comedy, a thriller or a horror movie. According to me, having actually looked at the entire movie. It's neither. It's just a really bad movie, terrible acting, terrible script and a complete waste of time. Perhaps my humor is whats wrong. But seeing this film together with my wife, who got tired from it after just fifteen minutes. We both agree that this film deserve the lowest vote possible. We didn't understand the meaning of the movie, couldn't understand why this film was ever made. So it's absolutely not a thriller or a horror movie. We really don't see this as a comedy. It reminds us more of a school project, without a budget, lots of inexpensive red paint and second hand clothes. Who should see it? We really can't say.

I really expected more of this movie after reading a couple of reviews, but I must say that I was really disappointed. What a waste of time.. yeah, there is gore, blood, intestines and so on (which I like) but this movie is all in all more or less pretty crappy... Not that I expected it to be "deep" in any way, but this movie, as a low level entertainment, bored me quite fast. I started skipping to the gory parts after I've seen half of the movie, and even these couldn't make up for waiting. 3 stars for the gore, everything else more or less sucks... Thought at least Stephen Dorff would be good, cause I like him (sometimes) but nothing positive to say here neither... Its not funny enough for a stupid movie and its not violent enough for a gore movie.

I gave this movie a 1. Only Because that's as Low as the scale would go. If I could I would have given it a -10. It started out fine and then took a turn for the Worst quickly and it was ALL Downhill from there. I recognized Two actresses from their other work. Jamie Murrey and Bronagh Gallagher I can only determine that whatever Stephen did , they also did. Or maybe someone has Pictures of them doing Unspeakable things that they were afraid would be leaked to the Internet so this is their Blackmail Payment. I rented this movie because of the Tag Line I read on the DVD. I also think Stephen Dorff was Great in Blade. He seems to be a pretty good actor so one has to wonder how he got talked into this fiasco. i understand the Other actors incentive. they need the work. But Stephen?? What were you Smoking??? And Please don't tell me this film is anything else but Bad Bad Bad Movie-making. The Plot, Acting, Special effects....EVERYTHING ...were so below what a B movie is that even a Bad B movie was more fun to watch than this. It was a Horror picture alright. A Horror to watch..

Easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Pointless dumb as a post plot, terrible so-called acting, & easily the worst script a movie could possibly have. I have no idea how this was made or how anyone in their right mind would have spent any money helping produce this. If you want to watch something entertaining, try watching paint dry. Stephen Dorff I still like but wow he was bad. It's not even his fault except that he agreed to do it. As far as the review I read, well he helped make this so of course he's going to say it's the best thing ever. I don't think it's right that his is the review that everyone sees on the front page. If you want a truthful review & not from someone that helped make this garbage, read more than one of the reviews. I don't even mean my review, read others to see just how bad this really is. Anyone that knows what actually makes a good movie will know that this blows chunks.

Announced as humorous splatter movie on the DVD cover this sounded like a good film to view on a Friday evening. The first minutes were quite fun but from there on it went downhill. Jokes were too simplistic and the plot deteriorated so dramatically that we had to switch to fast forward - otherwise we would not have made it through to the end. Characters were mostly reduced to clichés - or their obvious deconstructions: the alpha guy is really a beta version who did not get enough brains. Well, that's a common caricature completely lacking esprit. Waste your time on this one only if you are completely out of alternatives. 2 stars for the funny beginning.

Botched is well titled and possibly the epitaph for Dorff's career if he has been reduced to this. Bad Russian accents done by a mostly z-list British cast (nice to see the girl from the Commitments working again) aside, to say that this is not a good film is an understatement that dwarfs all other understatements you have ever heard about movies. Bad acting, buckets of fake blood, 2 dimensional characters and a plot that is just plain stupid. It is the kind of low budget schlock usually reserved for film school dropouts looking to make a quick buck. People write that it's a comedy but it's just not funny on any level. How this got made and how I sat through so much of it is beyond me.

While escaping from a successful heist of diamonds in an auction house for the Russian mobster lord Mr. Groznyi (Sean Pertwee), the driver of the runaway car crashes a wall and only the thief Ritchie Donovan (Stephen Dorff) survives. He runs with the wallet full of diamonds, but he is hit by a car and loses the stones on the street. The upset Mr. Groznyi sends Ritchie to Moscow to compensate his mistake and steal an ancient and valuable cross in the penthouse of a building with the clumsy Russian brothers Peter (Jamie Foreman) and Yuri (Russell Smith). However the plan goes wrong and Ritchie and his partners take a group of passengers from the elevator as hostage to the 13th floor. They negotiate with the police, but when they release the first hostage in good faith, they discover that their negotiator is not from the police but an evil serial-killer, beginning their night of terror trapped on the floor. The gore "Botched" is an entertaining and forgettable dark comedy. The weird story has funny and silly moments, but something is missing to make "Botched" a cult-movie or at least a great movie. The jokes do not work well and it is strange to see the bizarre "Russian" characters speaking in English. The daughter of Billy Murray, Jaime Murray, is extremely sexy in the role of the executive Anna and shows a great chemistry with Stephen Dorff. My vote is six. Title (Brazil): "13o Andar" ("!3th Floor")

Wow this one really caught me by surprise wasn't expecting much from it and it has turned out to be one of the gems of the year in my eyes what starts out as an average crime comedy thriller and turns into a comedy horror Splatter fest it's genius and by far the best thing stephen dorf's been involved with in years. For those of you not familiar with this stephen dorf plays a guy who owes a Russian mobster big time and keeps cocking up heists and is given one more chance to steal a cross in Russia with 2 even more bumbling sidekicks which leads to a hostage situation from there onwards it unravels into a weird blend of of hostage movie / slasher flick with serial killers death traps and lunatic hostages.