Bullet Train Down

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source: Bullet Train Down

It isn't the speed of the train rolling your eyes to the back of your head, but the ridiculous dialog and obnoxious characterizations of practically everybody in this movie, a rip-off of a Brad Pitt blockbuster, involving a speeding train with major speed capabilities that are threatened with destruction should the train go under a certain mph thanks to a bomb aboard on the maiden voyage. This seems to be obsessed with pushing social media and the most cliched and ridiculous of modern narcissist behaviors, evidenced through the vapid young characters with fried brains doing nothing but taking selfies and posting them while arguing. A tiny model train is supposed to represent the passenger train, a genuine laugh that occurs during the opening scene where the unseen villain shows what will happen to the rest of the train should inventor Xavier Bailey not pay what the saboteurs are demanding. This of course leads to arguments over keeping the train going at its speed or stopping, which makes the supposedly ultra smart engineers and conductors sound like absolute idiots. The action is non-stop, but the presentation heavy handed and difficult to stomach after a while. If Asylum films have accomplished anything, it's convincing the rest of the world that American society is vapid, pathetic and totally self involved. American viewers should be spared such representation with ridiculous trash like this distorting society. Save yourself the agony. Take "The Big Bus" (1976) instead.

Without any huge Hollywood stars. Bad CGI. Predictable plot. (Spoiler alert......the character with two names in the credits is the bad guy) There's a billionaire that cares about peoples lives. Sizemore could have phoned in his part. Evacuation of the rear cars didn't seem to create a seating shortage in the forward compartments. Plenty of stock footage of emergency equipment. A police escort for a.motorcade that had nothing to do with the plot. Police cars driving down residential streets. Emergency vehicles gathering on parcade rooftops. None of which seemed to play into the scenario. You won't be missing anything if you skip this one.

Okay so to start, why is the flight sim joystick controlling the bullet train? Second, cgi is TERRIBLE. Third, please just.. don't watch this. And also, why is the acting so just.. mashed together? The asylum's movies are so bad, like meteor moon and tarantulava, but this. THIS is the worst. And why are the sets so cheap? Yet they make it like a blockbuster. So if you were about to hit play on your tv to watch this, I suggest not. It's a waste of time and money. Really, this movie is the bottom of the bargain bin. AND THERES MORE. The landscaping is so off from where it's meant to take place. Anyways, bye.

Asylums newest movie is a parody of the title with brad pitt, with elements of speed mixed in. Ill say one thing. The quality is actually pretty good, the train interior and some of the camera shots are shot quite nicely. Acting was ok and the cgi stills has elements that made me laugh. The problem I found with this film though really was just the story. I just didn't find it as interesting as the creature ones. But having said that its still and interesting watch with some surprises along the way.