Croc!

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Magandang pelikula!

source: Croc!

Lisa is getting excited for her wedding, gathering her friends and family for the big day. There are uninvited guests, however: a nest of hungry crocodiles that have no problem crashing her dream day. Directed and written by Paul W. Franklin, this movie has one great scene where a wedding guest and the priest have a long discussion on why God would allow crocodiles to rampage in the British countryside and kill good people. This is soon followed by the vicar being gorily devoured by said crocs within seconds. This all could have been avoided if Lisa's husband-to-be, Charlie, had just told everyone that watched these reptiles chow down on a bridesmaid named Georgia. Of course, he was just inside her, so maybe he wants to keep things a secret. Luckily, Lisa's dad is a wildlife expert and he's passed his skills down to her. This movie is ridiculous and I mean that in a nice way. There are just times that you want to watch crocodiles chomp down on the entire wedding party and this delivers exactly that. Man, everyone is losing the deposit on their tux rentals. Of course the bride fights in her wedding dress.

Holy cow, this was a really bad movie. Unfortunately it wasn't good-bad. It was just bad. Real bad. The acting is atrocious -- especailly the red head in the beginning who also does soft core * on a site called WANKITNOW. Bad. The special effects might have been good 20 years ago, but today they look unfinished. The croc looks plastic and besides what is he doing in England? And that brings us to the story -- it's ridiculous. The most unfortunate thing is it's not humorous in the slightest. So by watching it, you lose 90 minute of your life that you will never get back. Take my word for it, you will want to avoid this movie at all costs.

This movie is absolutely terrible! The acting is terrible. The plot is so predictable. What is with all of the actor's falling down when they run. No one can stay on their feet. That is absolutely crazy. Then you have the croc open the door to the pool house, really? My very first question is why the hell didn't the groom tell everyone they were in danger? The bride is ridiculous when she keeps talking about how her day is ruined. All through the movie I kept wanting to take a comb to the father's hair. Whoever did the hair and clothing should have been fired. Whoever made this movie should really go back to School for a crash course in directing, writing and everything that would have helped this movie.

Not for Alligator (1980) or Lake Placid (1999) fans, this one falls in line with all the rest of the sub-par Jagged Edge Productions films. Their creature features are generally skip-it grade fare, and this one is no different. It's too bad really, that creature films were so much better 20-40 years ago. There's opportunity here for some campy exploitation but Jagged Edge still has not evolved to take advantage of these opportunities. For example, the wedding scene could have been a gory-fun ride of seeing folks in nice outfits getting chewed to shreds. Instead, we get a nearly invisible ninja croc that sneaks around to select targets, usually in areas that are wide open. A couple frames of croc beak, screaming, and a blood * or two coming from odd directions is disappointing. The final scene (what even was that, a roomba??) was a D-. Could and should be so much better.

For years, the Hampshire Freshwater Crocodile (Crocodylus hampshirius) was widely hunted for its valuable skin, which was used in the UK fashion industry for high-end accessories such as designer handbags, belts and watch straps. A ban on the trapping and killing of the endangered animal was introduced in 1990 to try and prevent total extinction, but the last reported sighting of the reptile in the wild was in 1992 and, with captive breeding programs proving unsuccessful, it is now believed to have gone the way of the dodo. All of the above is a load of crock. There are no crocodiles in Hampshire. Haven't been any since prehistoric times. But that hasn't stopped writer/director Paul W. Franklin from setting his killer croc movie in my home county, where the most dangerous wild animal is a badger (seriously, those things are mean-tempered). Putting facts to one side for the moment, a giant man-eating crocodile on the loose in the South-East of England could have been a lot of trashy fun. But on this occasion, it isn't. Franklin places his wholly unconvincing CGI crocodile amongst a group of people attending a wedding at the only venue in the whole of England without wi-fi or a landline; this leaves a handful of survivors trapped in the main building with no means of escape. No explanation is ever given for the existence of a large man-eating crocodile in Hampshire (seriously, not even the old 'pet flushed down the toilet' or 'escaped zoo animal' excuse) or for why it has never been sighted. None of the unlikeable characters display any level of intelligence or ability to stay on their feet when chased by the reptile, and the plot is a tired collection of well-worn cliches, predictable to the very end. Franklin resorts to giving viewers not one but two gratuitous sex scenes, which hit the right trashy notes, but they come early in the film, and everything that follows is tough to endure thanks to the diabolical script, laughable acting (was the guy who played the reverend actually an actor or a relation of Franklin?), and extremely weak special effects.

In the opening scene Mike and April (Sarah Alexandra Marks) are outside camping in Hampshire, England when they are attacked by a giant crocodile. A couple of years later, this same location becomes the location of a wedding as the wedding party spends the night in a manor on the same grounds. The Croc takes out one person of the wedding party and then attacks the entire party. The survivors take refuge in the house where the croc walks laps around it. The father of the bride (Mark Haldor) is against poaching and wants to capture the creature in order to figure out why it is so out of place. The picture was bad from start to finish as are most low budget films that have the fake looking Chrissie Wunna in it. No explanation for the croc was given. DVD cover drawing was not in the film, nor was there any reason to stay out of the water as the attacks were all on land. Guide: F-word, sex, nudity.