Elephant White

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The highlight of this film is Kevin Bacon's accent. He plays 'Jimmy the Brit' just so everyone knows he's supposed to be British (not an Aussie). His accent is a cross between Jason Statham and Dick Van Dyke with a good dollop of Ramsey-esque swearing thrown in. Djimon Hounsou plays 'Curtie Church' (seriously) a troubled, spiritual mercenary with a conscience (Steven Seagal must have been unavailable). He has little to do in the film apart from shooting, slicing and generally rolling around an ever increasing number of bad guys. The characters are all stereotypical, the script is lazy ("You're dark, and I don't mean your skin tone...") and the action scenes are bland, boring and forgettable.

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English subtitles is universal

I'm not sure what Kevin Bacon was thinking, but this is easily his worst film to date. With his mockney accent in the same league as Dick van Dyke's in Mary Poppins, it seems that this was a "take the money and run" film. It could have been a good film. It really could have. But the big reveal at the end was telegraphed within the first 30 minutes. The acting was awful. The accents horrific. The direction abominable. In one fight scene, a kick to the head, in slow motion, with no contact, resulted in the victim spitting out blood. The sound effects in the fight scenes was also poor, worse even than those terrible action flicks of the early 80s. Don't waste your time, folks. The people who made this film didn't, and nor should you.

Sometimes a straight to DVD release can slip under the radar and become a highly under-rated and cult hit. 'Elephant White' does not fall under this category. Djimon Hounsou stars as professional hit man Church who is contracted to avenge the murder of his client's daughter. Alongside is Kevin Bacon, an arms dealer known as Jimmy who assists Church while he tracks down the men who committed this terrible act. The horrific abomination that this movie is seeps through from the very start where subject matters are introduced and dealt in truly sleazy ways. One being the a side story revolving around teenage prostitution that puts no effort into showing how revolting it truly is but merely using the dark subject and trivializing it to push the plot forward. The character development barely changes from what they all originally were. Church remains a destructive force, merely dispersing people feeling no remorse or consequence for his actions. It would be understandable if the film was trying to remain a bland action film but it feels as though it's constantly trying to push out some awareness to something but failing in every sense due to terrible direction from director Prachya Pinkaew. All these points are nothing compared to the absolutely stale performances that are woven within this destructively vile film. Notably the worst performancethat Kevin Bacon has done in his career. He brings across his own take of a British accent, which teeters between that of a southern Englishman and an Australian. Accompanied with this is his Keith Richards impersonation he adds to the mix, which brings it to the point that you actually want to avert your eyes. Jirantanin Pitakporntrakul stars in her first role as Mae, a 14-year-old teenage prostitute and after this performance it wouldn't be surprising if it was her last role. She comes across and whiny, annoying and self centered, which could all be down to poor direction but that would not change the fact her character was not believable or easy to relate to. There is absolutely nothing to take from Elephant White, aside from a semi-enjoyable sniper segment but even after that you'll have a sour taste in your mouth just for even thinking there was something enjoyable to take away from this film. It's dripping in filth, un-moral subject matters and bland, annoying characters. Truly one of the worst films in recent memory that nobody should have to endure.