Sharks : Silencieux & Mortels

source: 2-Headed Shark Attack

I just reviewed " Sand Sharks" which has a lot of things in common with this little flick; however some of the good parts are unfortunately not to be found in this one. Which is a shame. The good stuff: cool monster, which is shown a lot. The Asylum brought in a little bit more money so there are not only the so so CGI images but also the practical " someone is getting munched on" effects work. - Carmen Elektra.. enough said. She is 39 years old and she still has killer looks and a great body. - lots and lots of kills, a lot of them somewhat original. - okay, a semi lesbian threesome make out scene. - Brooke Hogans acting is really okay, which was a surprise for me too but it is. Unfortunately now the longer list of bad stuff the acting is awful, really I don't expect any academy awards for these type of movies but sweet lord this was even for this genre cringe worthy. - the story drags, they even throw in a sinking island but that doesn't help. Running time is something like 87 minutes including titles but feels longer, a deadly sin with these kind of movies. - the story contains plot holes that are simply too big, people get eaten ( of course because they wander off to make out in a semi lesbian threesome) and are not missed until the final third of the movie. - the climax simply sucks, of course the shark needs to die but this was done in a duh manner. Another sin, golden rule is that the payoff needs to be cool and fun. So there were all the ingredients, *, blood and a monster and a goofy story but somehow it doesn't cement right. In my opinion because the actors ( besides Brooke) looked simply bored and didn't see the joke or couldn't act. And what was left was killed by the pacing. However.. Carmen Elektra and her sunbathing scene gave this review one point extra, same with the surprisingly solid acting skills of Brooke.

While I consider myself a fan of the recent wave of cheesy, CGI-enhanced monster flicks a la SHARKNADO, even I have standards - and unfortunately, despite the great title, 2-HEADED SHARK ATTACK doesn't meet them. This is an entirely Z-grade film which takes PIRANHA 3D as its inspiration and fails to make a decent movie out of a rip-off. The film is clumsily made and badly written throughout. The cast is almost entirely populated by annoying teen stereotypes and blonde bimbos, chief of whom is Hulk Hogan's daughter Brooke - an actress she isn't! Backing her up is Carmen Electra in a more minor role as a doctor; you may remember her from the likes of SCARY MOVIE back in the day, and she's still trying to play the same role and hiding her age by smothering her face in makeup. Due to budgetary constraints, the whole film is set on a ship where those on board have to contend with one of the worst special effects yet put on film. This shark is a crude bit of CGI animation to say the least, and randomly changes size depending on the scene. There are many gory deaths, but the majority of effects are done on the computer; I felt like I was watching somebody playing THE SIMS at various times. Needless to say, the acting is horrible, the script is dumb, and Christopher Douglas Olen-Ray's direction is vapid (no surprise that this guy is the son of infamous cult director Fred Olen-Ray). The amount of continuity errors and dumb decisions made on the part of the cast is unbelievable; I think the whole 'randomly sinking atoll' part of the story was the most jaw-dropping. In any case, this is a real stinker.

Movie review:After posting the trailer, I just couldn't wait to watch this one. This movie was so bad, it kept my attention in between sessions of gargling hydrochloric acid to null out the pain my brain was enduring. The plot, bunch of kids charter a boat to who knows where and comes under attack, from a 2 headed shark, hence the snappy title. This movie is possibly the biggest joke I have seen, ever. The un-special effects were done by a two year old taking her first bath with a toy rubber shark. At some points the people that were eaten were larger than the shark, and others the shark was larger than the boat. The camera work was done so poorly that this was obvious. The shark had the ability to devour people that are standing in waist deep water, yet plunge straight downward into the depths of the water. When the actors, and that is the biggest insult to acting I have ever witnessed, get stranded on an atoll (i always thought that was a coral reef formation, not a makeshift island) they must figure out a way to escape. blah blah. There is not one single redeeming quality of this piece of crap, and it is hard not to swear as I am typing this. Oh, did I mention Brooke Hogan and Carmen Electra are the main attractions? They are still stuck in a cardboard box attempting to act their way out of it. All the extras were following cues from the staff so blatantly it was pathetic. "Act scared", "Act mortified at the person being eaten underwater", even though there is no way you could see it. I could go on, but I'll spare you. Do not see this movie unless you feel the need to watch a "how to not make a movie" instructional video. Worst movie ever. Now I am sure there are the "b-movies so bad they are good" people out there. Well, this is it, minus the good. Recycled scenes in a 87 minute movie, boats not moving when they are supposed to be speeding, conversations of two people on said boats and they can hear each other, the list is endless. 1.5/10 IMDb 2.6 , I guess it got scored high because two topless chicks make out in said waste deep water and get eaten. Brooke, stick with TNA (that is wrestling for the non-followers). At least that is more believable.

The Asylum has been around over 15 years and conducted 100 films and they still have not conducted any better. 2-Headed Shark Attack was one of the worst films I've ever seen. I didn't even watch a total of 15 minutes of it. I watched one minute of the beginning of it, then I skipped about 4 times until I reached the main attack. The actors were horrible! The only character that was believable was Cole, and not even good enough to be an "actor". The characters are too "random" meaning they do not make a secure crowd. It doesn't make sense to have a ripped 8- packed white guy with twin Mexican brothers that don't speak English in the same crowd. However, I didn't watch the beginning so I missed how they knew each other. This is the first ad last film that I will watch conducted by The Asylum.

If the main monster had not been a shark, I would have brought the movie back to Redbox after about 10 minutes. The shark made it slightly better than "Pirahna", but that's about it. I don't think I have ever seen a movie that contained so many mistakes. Not only did the shark have two heads, but it can apparently change its size depending on water level and enemy ... the dimensions of the shark changed constantly. Sometimes it was bigger than a boat, but in the next scene it somehow manages to sneak up on people in about 5 feet of (crystal clear) water. The lady that repaired the boat lost her leg when the shark attacked, but the next scene shows her with both legs again (and flippers, which she did not have earlier). Also, when the shark's first head gets blown off (if you can call those few water drops an explosion), you see a gushing wound where the head had been. A few scenes later, there is no trace of a wound or anything that indicated that this shark had two heads at one point. Oh well, I had a good time commenting the entire movie. The one thing I am still waiting for is an explanation about the hole in the ground, in the first 1/3 of the movie ... Have fun!

When I watch a total crapfest like this, it makes me wonder how the brilliant Battlestar Galactica ever aired, especially on this Lowest Common Denominator channel. Anyone else remember when this was a GOOD channel? When they showed 50's classic, SF Pilot Playhouse, etc? Now it pummels the audience with garbage like this, filled with has beens and never were's, edits out the softcore nudity and sex (for the DVD's and Europe I imagine). Anyone remember when a B movie was worth seeing? This absolute turd sandwich of a movie featured horrible effects, worse acting and a dumb story that had really nothing going for it. I know, I know, I didn't have to watch it. I know that. But it's like being hypnotized. One wants to look away, but we can't. WE CAN'T. I'd say this, avoid at all costs, unless you want to save money on a sleeping pill. It's simply that horrible.

This movie sucks!! i thought that it would be a good movie because Carmen Electra was in it.. The actors are horrible, the storyline.. everything are horrible!!!!! The plot is very predictable. i mean come on.. why did the girl stab the shark but didn't get eaten ?? the graphics are poor.. looked unreal!! It's a low budget movie.. and i agree with one of the reviewer, it's not supposed to be a serious movie. I just can say that it sucks all the way through . Some of the actors looked fake when they are doing some of the acting.Also, the scene where Carmen Electra were on suntanning was inappropriate for the movie and also it was ridiculous

You know when you first watched Jaws, how long it took you to get back into water? Now after watching this movie, I don't know how long it will take me to be able to watch another one! It's not just the creature didn't exist in History but the acting was bad, actors were not even attractive, scenario, casting, graphics, synopsis, direction,... etc! I really don't know where to start! I want to warn everyone.. if you are going to watch it... "DO NOT WATCH IT" Now to answer golfpunk's question about who would give this movie a great review, simply the actors and the director! I wish there was a lower grade than 1 to give you guys but there ain't! short messages: 1- actors; please stop acting 2- Director; you should change career... do anything else! 3- Writers; How? Just how you have had the courage to write something that bad?! 4- Graphics guys; I used to do these graphics 15 years ago on a 486 machine with 3D under DOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is another millennium if you know what I mean! I feel abused after watching this movie!

Starring: Carmen Electra and Brooke Hogan. Scary fish story that really has a lot going for it – Scares,Girls in bikinis and a creature that is NEW ! So let's go out to sea and study,No not like "The Suite Life On Deck",But more like Fred Olen Ray 'Showtime' movies in the water. There are villains without fins and people with Brains & Boobs. The creature effects are really good looking as CGI and just fun when do in real time and on set with actors interacting with the teeth plus. This ATOLL set would make a great tourist attraction with a re-tooled 'BRUCE the shark' that was replaced at Universal Studios,Florida.